Anonymously Insightful

Depression is a sweet fantasy that ensnares us in a false reality of despair, feeling comfortable surrounded by your inner demons and falling into a black hole where escaping feels inevitable. Apparently for sometime, I actually went through it. How ironic is the fact that you’re interviewing people about their different perceptions on a particular topic meanwhile you’re too stubborn to admit you’re suffering from the same thing. Personal experience is apparently an amazing teacher as it opens your eyes to a whole different point of view you probably wouldn’t have understood when listening to another person talk about what they went through. I would have loved to write a poem capturing the essence of depression but the truth is that depression actually holds no essence but is only a sweet lie created by the devil to pull human beings into a supposedly inescapable black hole of inner pain and suffering. Well I’m a survivor of this intense emotion. I survived it and I’m even prouder to say I survived the suicidal thoughts that came with the package. In this area, revealing my identity isn’t easy for me because although I have closure with this subject, it’s a whole other ball game revealing to the world that you faced depression because you have no idea what the thoughts of others would be. I don’t mind being judged as everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
So apparently we all decide to live in a false reality at times believing that we are depressed. I decided to do so I decided to do some research on the percentage of people that go through depression, what led to the emotion, their perception on it and how they decide to overcome it. Most people I interviewed shared their personal views and then I realized most don’t even know why they feel the way they do, inner sadness you could call it while some others feel that way based on the fact they have absolutely no control over the situations that occur in their life. It’s quite sad realizing that most of our teenagers (the leaders of tomorrow) are extremely depressed. In the process of my case study, I found out that minority of people I interviewed had actually never gone through depression and I was fascinated. Each and every single one of them that said they’ve never faced the terrible illness seem to have one thing in common. They have never looked at the things they don’t have but rather choose to be appreciative of the things they do have even if it isn’t that much. Don’t get wrong, they didn’t deny that they’ve never gotten unhappy before. They said they have experienced sadness (because obviously their human) but they never dwelt on the sadness. They ponder over what made them sad and get over it eventually if it isn’t easy, they look forward to the better things ahead. That was a miraculous life lesson to me. So this is what I realized;
So many times we tend to over analyze situations. We over analyze every situation we find ourselves in and forget to be grateful for the little things. There are so many ways God has blessed us and we don’t even realize it. I went out recently and saw a crippled man on the road and then I looked at myself with my full legs and arms, not missing any body part and all my body senses work perfect (although I don’t have a sense of smell lol let’s forget that) but the conclusion is that I realized how ungrateful I was being to God by having negative thoughts and not valuing the other things he has done for me no matter how small it may be. Depression is a plan of the devil to sink human race into the pit of hell by later adding suicidal thoughts to the equation but then I feel and I know that it is time that we as teenagers, the future leaders of tomorrow begin to break strong holds of the enemy and begin to seize control of our minds and confess that depression has no place in our lives. Once we begin to realize the power God has bestowed upon us as individuals that we are able to thread on snakes and scorpions and go into battle where thousands shall fall at our right side and ten thousand at our left side but none shall come close to us as such is the will of God. You carry power as a child of God and it’s time for you to tap into that hidden power by growing your relationship with him. Hold him more. You might feel I’m boring you by talking about this and bringing the word of God into my article but the truth is that each word I type on this article is by the divine work of God and you wouldn’t be here reading this if God didn’t have a plan for you. If he didn’t want you to see this, you would have never stumbled on this article. This is an encouragement to you all out there suffering from depression. God loves you and He’s here every step of the way. He yearns for your presence and for you to confide in him because there’s no love greater than that of the love of God. Depression is such a small thing for him to tackle if only you surrender it to him. God loves you, I do not think there’s anyway I can describe this love to you because it’s just so magnificent you have to ask for a personal experience and trust me when I say He will answer you. He is always ready to listen.
I pray this was an encouragement to every depressed soul out there to know that you are not alone. You are never alone and you will never go into the battle ground alone because chariots are at bay waiting for your command to attack on your behalf. God bless you.

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Confessions of an anonymous wallflower

I was intrigued recently. My curiosity was greatly sparked by an amazing writer who gave me a reason to write again. The purpose of this blog was to vent out my frustrations by just giving people an insight into my mind. A glimpse of a maze that is yet to be understood without letting them know who is behind the mask of the anonymous writer. That was the initial plan but our views and perceptions of life change day by day and I realized that I’d share my views whether anonymous or not. My identity defines who I am. (That sounds like incredibles 2 in dash’s voice 😂)

A young writer sent me her work and this ignited a fire in my soul because I was deeply inspired by her work. I would have loved to give you all a username to follow but sadly, she’s not even a social media person and she also asked to be kept anonymous. Enjoy the work below:

Living the life of a shadow is like a plague
I lie saying I don’t care but yet it kills me inside
I advice saying you shouldn’t bother
But end up being a hypocrite just by doing the opposite
Wanting to fit in like the next person
But defend my insecurities by feeding myself with more lies
I want to be adored, envied and liked
I want to be different but yet I’m just the same
I judge because I’m not brave enough to do or be what the person is
If given a chance I’d probably do worse
I cover my greed and selfish desires by saying all fingers are not equal
I pretend so much it hurts
To be perfect
To not do bad
To not want to do bad
I try to please so much, tears begin to fall and I’m unaware
Being that good girl mother wants me to be
Being that good girl everyone expects from me
And in the process I lose myself
In the process I become fake, not me, just what they expect
And when I fail or make a mistake I give an excuse saying “I’m only human”
That’s probably my greatest flaw

~ Anonymous Wallflower

It takes great courage to pen down your thoughts in paper. It takes boldness to write out your feelings on a piece of paper and it takes greater mind sharing it with the world to see, letting them know that you’re not perfect. I feel that’s one of the greatest challenges we as human beings face. Showing the world who we truly are. We are all so scared of the opinions of others and despise being judged that we lock ourselves out of the world. I’d share a story:

When I was in secondary school, I craved social acceptance in my school. We had this social hierarchy term that we used with every individual in school. We had the “Fresh” and the “Chaff” I wanted to be part of the fresh crew badly and it killed me because I felt my qualifications to join the group weren’t that major. First, I was so short, I mean I was short to the point that a tall person could pass me and not see me because I’m so close to the ground (I have amazing puns, you can ask for more if you want😉)

But as I was saying, I wanted to be part of the fresh crew so badly that I even started losing myself in the process. I would not go for night prep because the supposed fresh kids weren’t there and I would try to outdo my party dresses. I’m very sure you’re expecting me to tell you how I later became queen bee and overthrew all of them (Ha! This is not a Disney fiction, real life people) So at the end, all my efforts were futile and guess what? They saw it and they used that to mock me (I would have probably mocked myself too. Why try so hard to fit in?)

What exactly is the importance of this story? I’m just trying to say “IN AN EFFORT TO FIT IN WITH SOCIETY, WE TEND TO LOSE OURSELVES”

Which was what really sparked my interest in this young writers poem, she said “wanting to fit in like the next person”

If you’ve lived all your life without thinking, at least just for one day, “am I good enough? ” Then congratulations!! You’re life is perfect.

The main message I’m trying to point out here though is that “Perfection sucks” and I literally mean it.

The societal hierarchy of the world is killing us day by day and we don’t even realize it. Social media is the newest platform for teenagers to live fake lives by trying to meet up to the standard of a social media personality but at the end, what do we actually gain from all these futile endeavours?? Absolutely nothing!!

This is a fruit for thought…..

What exactly am I gaining from what I’m doing right now?

Do I let the opinion of others get to me?

Do I try to change myself based on the fact I see people judging me?

Do I try to fit in with everybody?

Am I affected when people say they don’t like me?

Am I happy?

I feel that’s the most important question. Is the life you’re living right now making you happy?

That’s your food for thought and I would really love to hear your opinions.

Write to me, I’m never too busy to listen to a voice in need. Give out your comments on this particular issue, I love seeing from different angles and kindly follow😂

Goodbye…… Till our next post❤